You say the words that I can’t say.
Say what words exactly? Well, I’m not too sure! Stuck in the past and the present, I need to move forward but I feel as though I’ve come to a stalemate. Kind of like a bizarre love triangle that involves: the PAST, the PRESENT, and the FUTURE.
I’ve always been one to be fickle with my emotions and interest in people, places, and things. I’m not really sure what this says about me? Maybe that I’m shallow and superficial? Or maybe I realize the shallowness and superficiality that makes up the person, place or thing?
Nevertheless, if you can keep me interested, then you should be flattered. (And I say that with no self-importance or conceit, but merely as a fun-fact). I can count on both hands, the number of times I’ve been infatuated with a person. I can count on both hands and feet, the number of times I’ve been infatuated with a place. As for things, I can get easily attached and then unattached, so I have no need to keep count (this could easily be in the millions). But every so often, I am so interested, so immersed in a person; a place; or a thing, that I cannot let go. No matter how addicted, consumed or spellbound I am, I realize the folly of holding onto something that I cannot have in my life.
I can say that I am more in tune with my inner-self than I have ever been. And as I get older, I am more aware of my feelings and capabilities as a person. Perhaps this is called “gaining wisdom”? And yet, as I grow and learn, there are some things that will never change. As much as I need to forget and move on from certain experiences, I cannot. I am coming to realize that this isn’t a bad thing. To be able to let things go, even when they have been undeniably untangled from the web that is your life, you need to learn to accept the reality of the situation.
By accepting the reality, I allow the experience to unfold into a memory. Be it a happy memory, a sad memory or one tinged with disappointment, I get to re-evaluate what my own actions are. In these moments of clarity, I can also gain more insight into understanding people’s nuances and how everyone reacts differently to things. It’s like my own social experiment and the variables are ever-changing, even the ones that shouldn’t be.
“Bizarre Love Triangle” – New Order
(However this is not the original)